Belief

You cannot believe in God until you believe in yourself. - Swami Vivekananda

My belief system has been severely shaken up in the last couple of weeks.
Ever since I took the decision to spend a year in sabbatical, there have been really some illuminating conversations.... And a few epiphanies if I may...

Some friends are openly sceptical of the path, while others have been quiet supportive... But what struck me most was how so many of us derive our self worth by how much we earn.

Is that all there is to it, then? So long as you provide well for your near and dear ones, and for yourself, it doesn't matter whether you truly believe in something... You are borne along comfortably till your death by societal (and familial) sanction & approval.

And the lie perpetuates itself. 

Daily notes

Starting 2013, I want to note down the top 3 things that I felt good about everyday.

Some background :

I have quit my job with IBM (on Dec 31st) and am serving my notice period now. Have been working in a cubicle for the last 12 years and felt that the time was ripe to get my ass out and see what opportunities life has to throw at me...
This exercise of keeping a daily journal and writing 3 good things everyday is an idea that I have borrowed from a TED talk by Shawn Achor :
http://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work.html

I Want To Know

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for,
And if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,
For your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow,
If you have been opened by life's betrayals or
Have shrivelled and closed from fear or further pain
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own;
If you can dance with wilderness and let ecstasy fill you
To the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful,
Be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
I want to know if you can see beauty
Even when it is not pretty every day,
And if you can source your life from God's presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,
And still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,
Weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children
It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the Fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself,
And if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Living on the Edge

IF YOU ARE NOT LIVING ON THE EDGE YOU ARE OCCUPYING TOO MUCH SPACE - some wise person said in the good old days.
But what is the EDGE? WHERE is the edge? I was seeing vijay ganesh s blog page today - he s bought himself a Ducati 999 and seems to going trekking regularly. Is that living on the edge?
Of late I ve realised that I keep thinking of exciting things to do - but never get around to doing them. Is it laziness or serendipity? what right do I have to complain about the inspidness of my life?

I get drunk evry weekend and normally have an good time ( watching 6-8 movies, reading 2 books and pubbing out in case you are wondering ) isnt that living on the edge enuff?
then why do i have this feeling of running round in circles looking for --- what? I dont even know what I am looking for - its just an empty feeling of running around in circles.

Extremities

ITS NOT WHAT YOU ARE UNDERNEATH, BUT WHAT YOU DO THAT DEFINES YOU....
Batman s girlfrnd tells him in the latest batman flick - How true...
its taken me a couple of hundred centuries to realise this simple but profound truth ....
My girl friend often used to tell me this - albeit in different words n we used to have heated arguments abt it... I would not budge from my stance that wht you ARE underneath is what mks you a contented, successfull-in-ur-own-terms person...
i ve realised tht striving too hard to achieve something good is NOT a bad thing - that effort to reward ratio is one of the most misguided concepts that ever possessed me - infact, it was this rationale that stopped me from actuallly trying for anything too hard and settle for whtever little success came my way.
Cant really put a finger on what made me change this view of mine - it musta been a series of events - or my gf might ve been a more successfull "nagger" than i realised - what ever be the reason, oflate i ve felt tht its the satisfaction of trying really hard to succeed that matters rather than the joy of success itself....
n im seeing it in action too - busting ur ass over a problem n finally overcoming it is much more sweeter than jus gliding over it n succeeding by chance!

One Square foot of Sky

Its 3.00 in the evening, i am in office early and my team mates havnt come in yet - i happen to look out of my cubicle - n surprise! I can c a wee bit of the open sky from where i sit - y hvnt i noticed it b4? The cleaning guy probably forgot to pull down the blinds.
Well - how it got to b tht way is not wht i wanna talk abt. What really surprises me is the effect of this small change in my daily routine - i feel like ive experienced something so radically different, so refreshingly beautiful, something terribly personal and touching - it has infused LIFE into my normally insipid work day.
I see a bird fly outside and my thoughts soar high with it - i have started my work but keep glancing out every few seconds and my work seems to get done by itself, without me having to WORK on it!
I see dark clouds and the tips of tress swaying in the wind and I think of all the pleasant evenings by the beach at Pondicherry and my work finishes itself much ahead of schedule...
Its only 5.30 in the evening n im already done for the day. What a relief!
My team mates have started coming in and i hurriedly pull down the blinds. Dont want them to compete for MY square foot of the Sky. Dont want to share !
its MINE, i discovered the sky and I plan to keep it tht way! ;-)

From Pillar to Post

For the past nine months I have been trying to move to this division in my org - well i have finally made it here , but they d made me run around for this a loooong time ...
Makes me wonder ... are people just not competent enuff to do their work or are they cruelly sadistic when it comes to exerting their power to stop others from going where they wanna go? what is it that makes people who manage other people tick?
where does personal ego end and professional power play come into effect?
and does professionalism exist at all? and most importantly, where does personal competition fit into all of this?
Why are we complicating things this way?
Why am I asking so many questions? Where are the answers?